Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
