This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
