Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he shaved USA in his pubs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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