It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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