I will die if light touches me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize