I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
