Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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