it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
