I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
