if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A bitchslap is in order.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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