The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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