the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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