margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
