that's an acceptable place to lick
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
