just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
