Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize