Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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