I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
