The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
