But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
