If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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