Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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