he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
