i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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