Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
