i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
