My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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