how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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