then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
