do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
