You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
