News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Farmville is her only friend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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