I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
