Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
