you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
