im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your penis caused this!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
