Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
