I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
