I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
