He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
