she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize