he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
