Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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