My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
