my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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