You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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