Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize