He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
