Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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