My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
