I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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