Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
