While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
