he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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