i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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