I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize