my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The power of my boobs compel you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
