I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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