I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
