I didn't shave. On purpose
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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