All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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