She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You took a bar mat shot.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
