Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
