That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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