i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize