YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
