I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
